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Thoughts on Having “It” Together

Having -it-  Together

 

Having “It” Together

I’m never sure of what “it” is but in my life “it’’ has looked like this over the years;
  • waking up early and in a happy disposition
  • never having challenges or disagreements in my family relationships
  • always having the answer
  • never struggling but always arrived
  • “bad” things not happening to me or my loved ones at ALL
  • having an immaculate home
  • super well behaved children
  • never frazzled and looking like I stepped out of some salon or all day spa
  • my days go perfectly and everything gets accomplished
Now we both know this is hogwash! But our beliefs about what makes some successful or special is highly formalized by society in combination with what we perceive as missing from us. Trust me this is well thought out, marketing wouldn’t exist without it. But it is time darling, that we cross over into liberation.
If whatever your list is has kept you from enjoying your life and living it fully. Or it has been an obstacle in living your passion because you feel there is a list you need to cross off before you can ___________. What a sad way to live our lives, afraid of rising because we have not yet arrived at the ideal. It is time to pull back the veil, we all have challenges and all our poo-poo has a smell. That we have to make believe we are not hurt or that we don’t have money, or that we struggle with mental illness is one of the most unhealthy ways to live.
This facade has distorted not only our views of each other but how we see ourselves. Last year my husband and I almost split and I shared on facebook my heart at my lowest points. My life full of beauty has also been full of pain and imperfection. We are still together by the way, it was a nick of time joint. While I’m not saying to share your stuff on FB, that is a choice. What I am saying is that if we continue to use words like appropriate or professional we continue to perpetuate the very beliefs that keep us from being supported and being healed. It keeps us from truly living because we spend so much time hiding or feeling guilt and shame. Again this all leads to a life not fully lived.
Having “it” together is another construct that keeps us paralyzed from sharing our most precious gift, ourselves. So if you’ve been holding back or waiting for the day when you have your sh*t together to do what you love and be who your are, it is time to release that like a bad habit.
We are not here to be shinning examples of anything but to keep each other company in this journey, otherwise it would be so lonely or is lonely. Right?!
 So I say let’s have a I don’t have it together and never will celebration! I dare you.
Deep love
Angelique
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Got Baggage? 10 Tips for working through baggage and some things I’ve learned

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Got Baggage?

It is a fundamental truth that we all have baggage. Now, baggage has gotten a really bad rap because it sounds negative. We all have stories of hurt, wounds that are in the process of healing, and some still fresh as the day they happened.

Below are 10 tips for working through baggage- yours first, and then supporting someone else’s journey. These are things I’ve learned, practice and come back to!

There are things that are just plain personal, and things that we’ve experienced as a result of oppression. Whether it is sexism, heterosexism or racism (and more). This all compounds to create quite the cocktail of baggage- stories we carry. Most of this needs our TLC and acknowledgement, and others can be addressed by others (mainly the offenders) and redeemed.

But when we are not self-aware we can’t see the impact of those wounds on ourselves or others. Some of the things I’ve experienced and observed is that it first impacts your overall wellbeing. Our bodies remember. Next, anything that smells similar to the initial offense (whether or not it is) causes us to be reactive to everything that comes our way without evaluation. We become hypersensitive and project A LOT. When we are hurt there is a vulnerability that accompanies that, rendering us with feelings of powerlessness. We seek to get our power back, which can feel like a bulldozer for the person on the other side. But at that moment, the last thing the hurt person is thinking about are the feelings of others. There is a cycle and dynamic at play. The key to this is our self-awareness and what we do when we are being triggered.

How do we know when to have a conversation or when it is our own work?

Here are somethings I’ve learned, practice and come back to!

1-It is my job to get to the heart of the matter for myself: What is really going on for me? What the hell is going on with the other person?

2-How much am I talking about it and is it one person constantly committing the offense?

3-Does it feel like a theme? You experience it here and there and everywhere? The truth is that a wound has been cut so deep that your eyes are colored by it ANNNND it is a sign from great spirit that it is time to work on healing that wound.

4-Talk to someone who can listen and give you feedback on what they hear. This is a little trickier because you have to trust that person and also be open to the feedback otherwise it doesn’t serve. Especially if the person is afraid of retaliation.

5-You must become aware of the line between you and another- where the baggage begins and ends and what is theirs.

6-Holding someone accountable for their actions and creating a personal offense out of it are two different things. We are wired like that as humans, right? It is personal when you feel hurt by it, but if it happens out of ignorance or lack of awareness it’s not personal. Distinguishing between this can be powerful and healing or it can hurt more than we think; one means forgiveness and healing the other closes the doors (we need to make sure that is a price we are willing to pay).

7-If it calls for a conversation, does the other person have the capacity to understand or are you going to spend hours convincing them that it was an offense because of how it impacted you? Deep stuff here- sometimes if we have to convince the person because it is way beyond their capacity to understand, we wind up hurting ourselves further. If you feel objective enough to have the conversation and teaching time then by all means…

8-Sometimes space is OK! I think sometimes conversation expectations do us damage, causing us to think that we are always going to walk away in agreement or resolved. Some folks you’ve got to let go of. And find ways to bring wholeness to yourself and allow others to heal some of that with you- not for you, with you. For example- if you have had a negative experience with your mother, another woman with healthy motherly energy can be part of healing that experience.

9- Take this whole list and when you encounter someone else’s baggage think about where they might be. Own your own place + power and give them the space to figure out theirs.

10- Ultimately grace and space to grow. Sometimes that looks very well handled and other times a train wreck! Know that we are all growing; we all reserve the right to hold on or let go. But we need to own our choices and our processes.

Deep love,
Angelique

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Mini-Audio Workshop: Healing Your Personal Power Center

Third Chakra Cleanse Lite! (4)

 

The best way to take this in is to listen to it first, Then sit and do the soulwork.

 

SoulWork- This is deep work it is important to take care of yourself and be supported in your work. If you’ve experienced trauma or any of this is a trigger be sure to reach out to your support. Please.
Tools
  • Journal & Pen
  • Magazines, glue stick, blank paper
  • Water/Tea (be sure to have eaten something)
  • Candle- To create sacred space
Exercise
3 Questions
  1. In what areas of your life are you giving your power away? Soul, Mind, Body/Family+Home/Work In The World.
  2. What stories are you telling yourself around owning your power?
  3. What is the worst thing that can happen if you begin to own your power?
3 Alchemies
  1. Create a collage of images that represent you owning your power.
  2. Write an affirmation for owning your power when you need support. (add it to your collage) i.e. I speak my truth and own my power, I am safe!
  3. Write a letter to the people that represent the areas in your life where you are not owning your personal power, let them know how you feel and that you’re taking back your power and how. (it can be for your eyes only/to share/to burn)
Closure
  • Stay aware over the next couple of days for things that may come up in your soul, mind and body in response to this work.
  • Brene Brown, Harriet Lerner, Patricia Lynn Reilly (I Promise Myself Book)
  • Look into chakra work and take it deeper as you are healing, root chakra, sacral, throat, heart, third eye etc. Healing from root to crown!

I’d love to know if this was helpful? If you want more? And what topics you’d like to explore together. I’d love to witness your collage of ownership so please share below in the comment section of this post.

Deep love, Angelique